The Ninth Season
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: A series of possible episodes to pick up where the series left off. ***Includes The Fonz in later chapters***
1. Ep #179 - The Reunion

Episode #179 - The Reunion **Episode #179 - The Reunion **

**ONE**

As it turned out, Shirley didn't really love Walter. They divorced and she went back to Burbank. Carmine heard that Shirley was coming back and he also went back out to Burbank. Laverne was so happy she had her best frend and roommate back that she took all the L's off of the things she borrowed from Shirley and gave them back. Lenny came back from wherever he disappeared to and Squiggy wasn't excited about any of this. {That figures.} 

  


~Flashback to Shirley coming back to Burbank~ 

  
**TWO**   
evening, Laverne's apartment 

Laverne is cleaning. {Why is she doin' that?} The doorbell "rings" - it still sounds horrid. She goes over and opens the door to find Shirley. 

Laverne (excited beyond belief)- SHIRL!!! 

They collide in a hug, then finally separate. 

Shirley- Oh, Laverne! I'm so happy to see you! 

Laverne- Why're you here? 

They go over to the couch and sit. 

Shirley- Walter and I got divorced. 

Laverne- What about the baby? 

Shirley- With his father. 

Laverne- You don't seem too upset. 

Shirley- Why should I be? This way, it seems as though the last year has been just one bad nightmare. {HA!} 

The door flies open. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello! (sees Shirley) Shirl! (he goes closer, looking like he's going ot try to hug her) 

Shirley- back off, Squig! No hugs. 

Squiggy (snapping his fingers)- Awe, nuts! 

Laverne- Whadya want Squig? 

Squiggy- Oh, yeah, I just saw Carmine outside... 

Shirely- Carmine? My Carmine!? (she runs out the door) 

Squiggy- How many other Carmines could there be? 

Laverne- Thanks for the news flash... now get lost. (she pushes him out the door) 

A few minutes later, Shirley and Carmine come in. 

Shirley- I can't believe you got here so fast! 

Carmine- I left last nightand just got here about a half hour ago. 

Laverne- Awe, this is wonderful! Oh, I gotta get my camera and take a picture of you two! (she runs upstairs and into the bedroom) 

Laverne comes back with the camera and finds Shirley and Carmine making out on the couch. She clicks a picture and sneaks out the door to go to Cowboy Bill's to tell Frank that both Shirley and Carmine are back. 

  
**THREE**   
Cowboy Bill's 

Laverne comes running in and spots Frank sitting with a woman at one of the tables. She moves closer and a little off to the side and sees that the woman is Edna! She runs over. 

Laverne (butting in)- Are you gettin' back together? 

Frank- Yeah. 

Edna- I was miserable without Frank. 

They move closer to kiss and Laverne turns away, smiling. She starts out and walks right into someone. 

"Someone"- Hey, Laverne, you really shouldn't walk into people like that. 

Laverne (steps back)- Lenny?! 

{Btw, think a cross between Lenny & MMK... normal hair, no jacket (sorry!)} 

Lenny- I hope so... or else I'm wearin' someone else's clothes! 

Laverne- This is so unbelievable! First, Shirley and carmine are back, then my pop and Edna are gettin' back together... and you actually look like a normal person! 

Lenny- Thanks! 

  
**FOUR**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, night 

On the couch, right to left are Carmine, Shirley, Laverne, and Lenny. Squiggy's sitting in the chair just off to Lenny's right. They're all talking at once... Carmine & Shirley, Laverne & Shirley... basically Laverne is in the middle of everything. 

Laverne (loudly)- Hold it! (normally) I realize we've got tons of catching up to do, but all at once? I'm stuck between Shirley and Carmine talking aobut how much of a crumb what's-his-name was nd Lenny and Squiggy arguin' over what's left to be paid for wrecking that hotel room! 

Shirley- Laverne's right. We've obviously got alot to tell each other. We'll just hafta go one by one... (grabs Carmine's hand) and you're first. (they leave) 

{No smut! They're going to that park where the La Brea tar pit was, there was a bench there... to talk!} 

Laverne- I didn't mean for them to leave. I just wanted for one person to talk at a time... 

Squiggy (angrily)- you still owe 25 bucks on that bill 

Lenny- That was a group payment and I paid my share! 

Squiggy- Fine... if you insist, you'll hafta find somewhere else to stay. (he gets up and goes over to the door) Goodbye. (he walks into the door; steps back, opens the door, and leaves, slamming it behind him) 

Laverne- His exit woulda been better if he hadn't walked into the door. 

  
**FIVE**   
La Brea Park {I shortened it, I think} 

Shirley and Carmine are sitting on the only bench there, talking. 

Shirley- I'm so happy I came back. 

Carmine- And I'm happy you let me know you were comin' back so I could come back. 

They were inching closer as they spoke and kissed after Carmine finished. They separated and slip into a bit of silence. Carmine ends it. 

Carmine- Uh, Shirl... (smiles) AngelFace, um, I know we just got back together and everything, but I don't ever wanna lose you again... (he reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a little box, and opens it, revealing a ring) ...Will you marry me? 

Shirley (through tears of joy)- Yes! 

They kiss again and Carmine slips the ring on her finger. 

  
**SIX**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment 

While the whole Shirley-Carmine-Proposal was going on, Lenny talked Laverne into letting him stay there. 

Laverne comes down the stairs, carrying a pillow and that green blanket. 

Laverne (handing that stuff to Lenny)- Here ya go, you can use the couch... or the table, whichever. 

Lenny- Thanks, Laverne. (he unfolds the blanket) Hey, this is... 

Laverne (puts her hand over his mouth)- Don't say it, I know... it was the only extra one I could find. (she takes her hand away and starts up the stairs; at the top, she turns around) Please don't write me a song this time. 

  
**SEVEN**   
two hours later 

Shirley comes in the apartment (she and Carmine had gone to a late movie, then grabbed a bite to eat). She goes right up the stairs and doesn't see Lenny, who ended up on the table behind the couch. 

Shirley goes over and starts shaking Laverne. 

Shirley (excited)- Vernie! Vernie, wake up! 

Laverne (groggily)- Huh... wha- Shirl? What's wrong? 

Shirley- Nothing's wrong... 

Laverne- So lemme go back to sleep. 

Shirley- Laverne! Carmine asked me to marry him! 

Laverne- That's nice... (realizes and shoots up) He what!? What'd you say? 

Shirley- I said yes... Why wouldn't I? 

Laverne- Awe, Shirl, this is so wonderful! (she gets up) 

They hug. 

Shirley- Let's go talk some more... we'll make popcorn. 

They leave the bedroom and start down the stairs. Laverne clicks on the light and Lenny rolls off the table. 

Laverne- Sorry, Len. I forgot you were here. 

Lenny (gets up)- Oh, that's okay. I'll just blend in with the background. 

Laverne (trying to change the subject)- Did ya hear Shirl and Carmine are gettin' married? 

Lenny- Awe, congrats, Shirl! 

Shirley- Thanks. 

The girls start to walk past, but Shirley begins to lag behind Laverne. As she passes Lenny, Shirley winks at him. 

Shirley- Oh, darn. Laverne, I had some pictures I wanted to show ya. I'll go get 'em. (she goes back upstairs) 

Laverne (looking through the cabinet)- Where the heck is that popcorn?... 

Lenny goes over to the fridge and grabs the canister off the top of it. 

Lenny- This it? (holds it out to her) 

Laverne- That's it. (takes the canister) I wonder what's takin' Shirl with those pictures... (she goes over to the stove and dumps the popcorn in a pot) 

Lenny- Uh, Laverne? (he goes over next ot hte stove) Um, could I ask ya som'en? 

Laverne (putting the cover on the canister)- Sure, what is it? 

Lenny- Wouldn't it be great if you girls could have a double weddin'? 

Laverne (smiling)- Yeah, that's be wonderful! (she puts the canister on the table) 

Lenny- Will you marry me? 

Laverne looks at him surprised. {She never saw that coming!} 

Laverne- Yes! 

They kiss. 

O.S. Shirley- Yippee! (she continues cheering) 

  
**EIGHT**   
girls' bedroom, a few minutes later 

Laverne comes in. 

Laverne- Shirl, what's goin' on? I mean, you and Carmine practically had plans to come here... and all of a sudden you're cheering? Whatta 'bout the time I thought I was pregnant? You yelled "ARE YOU NUTS?" in my ear! 

Shirley Oh, Laverne, calm yourself. Listen, I was incredibly unhappy with what's-his-name. I called Carmine and we made plans to come here. Now, I didn't know Lenny was gonna show up. When I went outside to say hi to Carmine, he said he saw him on the plane. Vernie, it started as a plan between me and Carmine, Lenny apparently had his own plan. 

Laverne (sitting next to Shirley)- Atleast I know the story now... sorta. 

Shirley- You should ask Len why he left... but I'd stay away from anything that has to do with Squiggy. Squig seems a tad ticked off about that bill. 

Laverne- I'm still tryin' to figure out who didn't pay... 

Laverne & Shirley- Rhonda! 

  
**NINE**   
morning 

Laverne comes out of the bedroom and starts down the stairs. 

Lenny- Hey, Laverne! 9he closes the fridge door) Ya know there's som'en really kinda disgusting lookin' in there. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello... Where's the money? 

Lenny- I already told ya, Squig, I don't owe anymore! 

Laverne is now stuck between the, so she sits on the couch. 

Laverne- Squig, Rhonda's the one who owes on that, remember? She had dates that night and didn't wanna spare the expense. 

Squiggy- Oh... sorry, Len... 'scuse me. (he cuts through the living room and goes out the kitchen door) 

Laverne Len? 

Lenny- Yeah? 

Laverne- I've been meaning to ask, where've ya been? Shirl told me that Carmine said you guys were on the same plane. 

Lenny- Well, you remember when we found that bottle of napolean Brandy? (she nods) Well, it turned out that I sorta ended up walkin' cross-country... 

Laverne (starts laughing)- Sorry... (continues giggling) 

Lenny- Naw it's okay. Anyway, I guess I ended up in New York, finally, and I sorta wandered around. Well, I saw some poster for some play and I saw Carmine's name on it. I finally found a phone number for him, but I got some guy who said that he was flyin' out here, so I figured I would, too. 

Laverne (finally quietting down)- Normally, I wouldn't believe a story like that... but I'll make an exception. 

  
**TEN**   
Cowboy Bill's, noontime 

The girls have been busy working all morning. They finally got a break and are now sitting at one of the table. 

Shirley- I'm so glad your pop let me work here again... especially on such short notice. 

Laverne- Actually, pops been short on help lately. He's also been short on temper, but I think Edna's gonna help him outta that. 

Shirley- Have you told him yet? 

Laverne- Told him what? 

Shirley (rolls her eyes)- The wedding... Does that ring a bell? 

Laverne- I was gonna wait on that. 

Shirley- For how long? He'd get suspicious if he all of a sudden had a grandchild! 

Laverne (covers Shirley's mouth)- Shush! It's just that my pop always wanted me to marry an Italian guy. I'm not sure how he'll take a guy who's Polish. (she uncovers Shirley's mouth) 

Shirley- Laverne, you gotta tell him so that I can tell him me and Carmine are gettin' married. 

Frank comes out of the kitchen and comes up behind the girls, who don't know he's there. 

Laverne- Shirl, you remember that dream I had? (she nods) Edna called it a nightmare when I said that I was gonna marry Lenny. it'll be worse when they find out it's reall gonna happen now. 

Frank (very loud)- What?! (he starts ranting in... Italian, I think) 

Laverne (puts her hand over Frank's mouth and sits him down in between them; to Shirley) See, this is why I didn't wanna tell 'im yet. (to Frank) Can I take my hand away> (he nods) You won't yell. (he shakes his head) Okay. (she takes her hand way) 

Edna comes out of the kitchen. 

Edna- What's going on out here. 

Shirley- Tell them! 

Laverne- Alright already. pop, Edna, (she sucks in a deep breath) I'm gettin' married... to lenny. 

Shirley (seeing Frank and Edna's somewhat shocked looks on their faces)- And I'm gettin' married to Carmine! 

Edna- Oh, girls, this is wonderful! 

Laveren- Really?... Pop? 

Frank- Yeah, what the heck. 

They all stand and have a group hug. 

  


Stay Tuned For Episode #180 - The Wedding!

  



	2. Ep #180 - The Wedding

Episode #180 - The Wedding **Episode #180 - The Wedding **

**ONE**

Last time on "Laverne & Shirley"... 

Shirley returned to Burbank and revealed that she didn't really love what's-his-name. Carmine returned and asked Shirley to marry him. Lenny returned and asked Laverne to marry him. Edna returned and got back together with Frank. Squiggy is bothering Rhonda for the $25 she owes from the wrecked hotel room nearly 5 years ago. 

  
**TWO**   
three months after the previous events, Laverne & Shirley's apartment, morning 

The girls are sitting on the couch. 

Shirley- Laverne, who's gonna keep this apartment? 

Laverne- Well, I sorta thought that me and Lenny would keep it. I have been here longer than you have. 

Shirley- But Carmine doesn't have a place! He's staying with Squiggy! 

Laverne- Yeah, well, Lenny don't have a place either and he's made himself quite comfortable on this here table. (she taps her hand on it) 

Shirley- Fine. I see now there's no real sense in arguing over this... I say we kick Squiggy out of his place! 

Laverne- Shirl, are you listening to yourself?! I know he's Squiggy. That don't mean you can kick him out. 

Shirley- He kicked Lenny out. 

Laverne (rolls her eyes)- He never let him back in! You can't kick someone out if they weren't in to begin with!... Can we get back to planning our bachelorette party, huh? 

Shirley- Oh, alright... You're not planning on smut at it, are you? 

Laverne- Shirl, you can't be serious... 

The phone rings. 

Laverne (getting up)- I'll get it. 

Shirley (mumbling)- Why not, it's your phone... 

Laverne (to the phone)- Really!? Oh, that's great! Thanks! Bye. (she hangs up the phone) 

Shirley- What was that? 

Laverne- Uh, a little som'en for our party. 

Shirley- One smutty affair comin' up. 

  
**THREE**   
Cowboy Bill's, early afternoon 

Shirley and Carmine are having lunch. 

Shirley- Laverne is acting really weird. 

Carmine- How do ya know? 

Shirley- She's been singing these little kid songs and it's just really weird. 

Carmine- She's probably just nervous. I mean, the big day is tomorrow, after all. 

Shirley (smiles)- It certainly is. 

Carmine- You girls gonna have a party tonight? 

Shirley- Just a little one... very little... us, Edna, and, unfortunately, Rhonda. What about you? 

Carmine- Me? No, besides, I think Lenny and Squiggy are plannin' som'en and I really don't wanna know what it is. 

Shirley (makes a face)- They'll probably end up tryin to ice skate on Jello again... Maybe I oughtta warn Laverne... 

  
**FOUR**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, night 

The girls are having their party. 

Rhonda- Rhonda is so happy for you! 

Laverne- Can't you say I? 

Shirley- Laverne. (to Rhonda) Thanks so much, Rhonda! 

Edna- I'm happy, too... I wish I'd gotten you girls something for a surprise. 

Laverne- Well, I might be able to take care of the surprise. 

Shirley- What do you mean? 

Laverne- Remember the phone call I got earlier today? 

Shirley Yeah. 

Laverne- Well, the rabbit died. 

  
**FIVE**   
the boys' apartment 

Squiggy- I can't believe ya won't let me throw ya a party! 

Lenny- I don't need a party... 

Shirley is now freaking out across the hall. {I think she just got what Laverne said!} 

Squiggy- What the heck is that? 

Lenny- Maybe we oughtta find out... 

  
**SIX**   
the girls' apartment 

Shirley is still freaking out. 

The boys barge in. 

Squiggy- What is up your nose?! 

Edna- We just found out this bachelorette party is a baby shower. 

Shirley stops. 

Shirley- She couldn't even wait... 

Squiggy- He couldn't either. 

Shirley (pointing at the door)- OUT! (she gets up and shoves Squiggy out the door, slamming it behind him) 

Edna- This is turning out better than a soap opera. 

Laverne (sees the look on Shirley's face)- Edna, maybe you and Rhonda better leave, I think Shirl's about to explode. 

Edna and Rhonda leave through the kitchen. 

Shirley- I don't believe this! 

Laverne- I don't believe you! What's the matter with you? I mean, the wedding is tomorrow! 

Shirley- You got a white dress. 

Laverne- Brides wear white! 

Shirley- Most of them! 

Laverne- Shirl, you're impossible. (she sits on the couch) 

Shirley makes her way to the couch, shoving Lenny out of the way. {Yeah, he's still there.} 

Shirley (sitting on the couch)- Laverne, it's the principle... 

Laverne- I never liked principles... Besides, you've got a kid. {that caught Lenny's attention} You weren't married to what's-his-name that long! 

Shirley- You finally got the point I was trying to make! 

Laverne (with a look of confusion)- Huh? What point? 

Lenny- Shirley didn't have rights to the white dress either. 

Shirley 9glares at Lenny, then turns back to Laverne)- He got it. 

Laverne- So we're even. What's the big fuss. 

Shirley- Vernie, neither of us should be wearing white tomorrow, but we are. So, let's just try not to do anything else that'll lose us that privilege, okay? 

Laverne- Okay. 

They shake hands. 

Lenny- Uh, why am I still here? 

  
**SEVEN**

{add wedding (6/23/68, I think)... I can't write a wedding... use your imagination - get it warmed up, you'll need it again} 

  
**EIGHT**   
reception {condensed} 

Squiggy started a food fight that landed him in a nearby pool. {Thanks, Carmine!} 

Laverne told Frank about her... ahem, "little surprise" and he hit the roof, then he tried to hit Lenny, but he ran off before Frank even had the chance. 

Shirley and Carmine just sat at a table the whole time talking and eating... and talking. 

  
**NINE**

{add honeymoon... I told ya you'd need your imagination again ;)} 

  
**TEN**   
the day after the wedding, Kosnowski apartment {hee hee} 

Shirley and Carmine are sitting at the table looking through the newspaper for an apartment. 

Laverne is helping Lenny move his stuff. 

Carmine (pointing at the paper)- How about this one? 

Shirley (looks at it)- Hmm... that sounds nice, we'll make it a maybe. (she writes down the information on a pad of paper) 

Laverne comes in the door, carrying a box, and goes up the stairs, followed by Lenny, who's carrying a duffle bag. {Doesn't that just figure!} 

Shirley (sees Laverne)- I think we're actually got some possibilities. 

Laverne (standing in the bedroom doorway)- Great, I'll take a look in a minute. (she disappears through the doorway) 

Lenny drops the bag on the couch and starts out. 

Carmine- Hey, Len, why is Laverne carrying the box? 

Laverne comes down the stairs. 

Laverne- Don't answer that! 

Lenny goes out the door. 

Laverne goes over to the table. 

Shirley (handing Laverne the notepad)- I've divided up the possibilites. 

Laverne- Hey, ya found one here on Laurel Vista! 

Carmine- Yeah, but it's a bit more expensive than we were looking for. 

Lenny comes back in and puts something on the coffee table. 

Lenny- Hey, Vernie, how's this? 

Laverne (goes over to the coffee table)- Jeffrey on the coffee table? I dunno... 

Lenny (gives her that 'look' and points at the green fuzzy dice)- Whatta 'bout them? 

Laverne- Jeffrey can stay. 

Shirley- Laverne, do ya think your pop would let Carmine work at Cowboy Bill's for a little while? 

Laverne- Do ya mind being the entertainment? The jukebox is broken. 

Carmine- Why would I mind?! 

Lenny- Vernie... 

Laverne- Busboy... but I won't promise it. I think m pop's still not too thrilled... you know. 

Carmine (excited)- AngelFace, lookit this one! (he points out the ad) I think this one is it! 

Shirley (reads the ad)- But it's all the way across Burbank... isn't there anything closer? 

Carmine- Not within our price range. Let's just go look at it atleast, okay? 

Shirley- Okay. 

They get up and leave. 

Laverne- I hope they find a place soon. It's gettin' a little too cramped here. 

They start out of the apartment. 

Lenny- Yeah... we gotta do som'en about those Ozzie and Harriet beds... 

They leave. 

  
**ELEVEN**   
two hours later 

Shirley and carmine have just finished looking at the house - a small, one story, sorta Dutch colonial, but not really, with a white picket fence, and a dog house left from the previous owners. 

Shirley (excited)- Oh, Carmine! This house is beautifu! 

Carmine- And it's in a great neighborhood! 

Shirley- Let's sign the papers! 

Carmine- Okay! 

They go over to the realestate agent and sign the papers. 

  


THE END :)~ 

  



	3. Ep #181 - A First Christmas

Episode #181 - A First Christmas ** Episode #181 - A First Christmas **

**ONE**   
Christmas Eve, day, early afternoon, Kosnowski apartment 

Both couples come in. 

Laverne- I love what you've done with your house! 

Shirley- Thanks, Laverne. (looks around the apartment) I love... what you haven't done here. (she picks up Jeffrey and puts him back down) 

Carmine- Laverne, how long before the "big day"? 

Laverne (sits next to Shirley on the couch)- About a week. It'd be so great if it could be tomorrow, though. 

Lenny- Yeah, then we'd save money on presents. 

Laverne gies him a playful smack on the arm. 

Shirley- This has been such a great holiday. 

Laverne- Shirl, did you tell your mom you remarried? 

Shirley (freaks out slightly)- Oh no! I forgot to tell her I got divorced! (turns to Carmine) We should go visit her. 

Carmine (sarcastically)- You think so?! (he grins) 

Shirley- Come on. (she grabs his hand and pulls him out the door) 

Laverne- I can't believe that Shirl didn't tell her mom... ooh. (she puts a hand over the baby) I gotta feeling this kid's gonna be a boy... girls don't rough house this much. 

Lenny- You sure it's still a week? I could get some stuff together... and find the bottle of aspirin. 

Laverne (glares at him)- I won't need aspirin. 

Lenny- The aspirin's for me. 

  
**TWO**   
middle of the night, about 2:30am 

Laverne is in the kitchen, raiding the fridge. 

Laverne- This eating for two is making me eat more than Len does. (she closes the door and starts looking through the cabinets) I wonder if there's any Frosted Flakes... (she continues looking, then stops suddenly) This kid's startin' to get on my nerves. (she feels another pain and sits down at the tale) This better not be indigestion! (she feels another pain and something else) This ain't indigestion... (very loudly) Len! 

A few seconds go by and Lenny stumbles out quickly to the top of the stairs. 

Lenny- What's the matter? 

Laverne- This kid ain't waitin' another week! 

Lenny- I told ya I shoulda gotten some stuff together... (realizes) What? (starts panicking) Now!? 

Laverne (slaps her forehead)- Just call the hospital... and don't forget to put some pants on before we leave. it's probably too cold for just boxers. 

  
**THREE**   
hospital, 3:15am 

It's been 30 minutes since they got there and Lenny's been out in the waiting room... alseep, stretched out on the couch. {It's the middle of the night... and there's no WAY you coulda thought that he was gonna be in 'there'... He may be a sweet and sensitive guy, but he's still a guy!} 

Shirley and Carmine come around the corner and go over to Lenny. Shirley starts shaking him. 

Shirley- What're you doin' out here, asleep? 

Lenny- Sleeping. 

Carmine- You don't wanna be there for the big moment? 

Lenny- Think about it, Carmine. 

Carmine (thinks)- Good point. 

Shirley glares at him and shakes her head. 

Shirley- Well, we called Frank and Edna. I hope they get here soon. 

Lenny (sarcastically)- Oh, yea! Insteada pacing a rut into the waiting room floor, I'll run a rut all over this whole floor! 

Shirley- Oh, stop. Mr. DeFazio's gonna be happy. 

Carmine- Yeah, the way your mom was happy when you dropped your news on her? 

Shirley- Don't do that. 

A few minutes later, Frank and Edna show up, with Squiggy right behind them. {I dunno how he got there.} 

Edna- We got here as fast as we could. Any word yet? 

Lenny- Not yet. 

Squiggy goes over, sits next to Lenny, and grins at him. 

Lenny- What're you doin'? (pauses) Nevermind, I know what you're thinkin'. 

  
**FOUR**   
4:15 am, waiting room 

Everyone's asleep, except for Lenny. {Squiggy's snoring too loud and it's keeping him awake.} 

A nurse walks by and he jumps up. 

Lenn- Well?... 

The murse stops. 

Nurse (smiles)- Soon. 

Lenny (turning away)- Awwe... 

  
**FIVE**   
5:30am 

Now, everyone's asleep. The same nurse from the last scene comes around the corner and goes over to Lenny. {Funny thing, the jacket he happened to grab, on their rush out, was the Lone Wolf jacket... easil recognizable.} She shakes his arm gently. 

Lenny (groggily)- Wha- (sees the nrse) Now?! 

Nurse- You go, I'll wake up the rest of the group, here. 

Lenny jumps up and rus down the hall and hangs a right into Laverne's room. {Literally, he grabbed the door frame and swung himself into the room.} 

Laverne (holding the baby)- Who's a good little boy, huh? 

Lenny (knocks on the door frame)- Vernie? 

Laverne (looks at him)- Get over here! (he goes over) Say hello to Thomas Michael. (she gives him the baby) 

Lenny- Hi... can we call 'im Tommy? 

Squiggy (coming in the room)- Hello, where's the kid? (he goes over next to Lenny) Kitchie-kitchie koooo. 

Tommy sticks his tongue out. 

Squiggy- Hey! Your kid stuck his tongue out at me! 

Laverne- Ten minutes old and he's already a smart boy. 

The rest of the group comes in and more baby talk is heard. 

  
**SIX**   
a week later, afternoon, Kosnowski apartment 

Shirley and carmine are sitting on the couch, chatting. 

The door opens. 

Lenny comes in, dragging a bag. 

Shirley- What is that? 

Lenny plops the bag under the Christmas tree. 

Lenny- These are all the presents from Frank and Edna for Tommy. 

Carmine- Just like a grandparent to splurge on the grandchild. 

Lenny- Yeah, and it's just like the to make the son-in-law drag the fifty pound bag. Now, I gotta go back out and get Vernie. I'm gonna need a vacation after this holiday. (he leaves) 

Carmine- Shirl, I know you wanted for all of us to spend Christmas together, but did we hafta wait on opening the presents? 

Shirley- That's part of spending Christmas together. First, we all gotta be here... then we plow into the presents. 

  
**SEVEN**   
25 minutes later 

The door opens. 

Laverne comes in with Tommy. Lenny comes in and closes the door behind him. 

Shirley- Oh, there he is! 

Laverne (sits next to Shirley)- You wanna hold 'im? 

Shirley- Yes! (Laverne gives her Tommy) Hi, Tommy! Oh, he's so cute... much cuter than wha'ts-his-name's... 

Laverne- Shirl... 

Shirley- Sorry. 

Lenny- Vernie, your pop and Edna got some presents for 'im. 

Laverne- And it took 'em less than a week... (she gets up, goes over to the tree, and sees the huge bag) Wow! They got alot of stuff. (she starts puling things out) Oh, sunglasses! These are so cute! (she shows them off and goes back to the couch with them; she puts them on Tommy) Awe... they shoulda gotcha a pair, Len. 

Lenny grins at her. 

Laverne gets up and goes back over to the tree. 

Laverne (looking at the wrapped presents)- You guys didn't open your presents yet? 

Carmine- Shirl made us wait. 

Shirley- Yes, I did. It wouldn't've been right to open 'em without ya. 

Laverne- Awe, Shirl, ya get me misty when ya say things like that. 

Laverne starts handing out presents, which immediately get torn into. 

  
**EIGHT**   
Ragusa home, night 

Shirley and Carmine come in the door. 

Shirley (draping her coat over a chair)- Whatta great day! 

Carmine- Yeah... we'll unload the present tomorrow. 

Shirley starts towards the phone. 

Carmine- What're you doin'? 

Shirley- I was gonna call Laverne. 

Carmine- But we just left. AngelFace, you spent a whole year away in another country. Now, you can't leave her alone from across thecity! hasn't she got enough to deal with without you calling every hour? 

Shirley- Lenny can take care of Tommy while we talk. 

Carmine- Shirl, you apparently missed the fact that he fell asleep while Laverne was still handing out presents! 

Shirley- And that's supposed to be my fault? 

Carmine- No, I'm just trying to make a point. We visit every other day... and they come over here the days in between. They're not gonna wanna do that... load up all of Tommy's things just to come over here. Face it, Shirl, ya gotta let go a little. 

Shirley- I didn't realize... I didn't hafta deal with that... I'm sorry. 

Carmine- It's okay, AngelFace. I just wanted to point out that things just can't stay the same. 

  
**NINE**   
Kosnowski apartment 

Laverne is cleaning up the rest of the wrapping paper from the coffee table and finds Jeffrey underneath. She puts the paper on the couch and picks up the iguana. She goes over to Lenny, who's still asleep, slumped in the chair. She gently places Jeffrey n his chest so that it's staring at him and goes back to picking up the wrapping paper. Laverne throws the paper away and comes up behind Lenny. 

Laverne (kneels down; right in his ear)- Len! 

Lenny (waking up)- Huh... (sees Jeffrey) AH! (grabs he iguana) Very funny, Vernie! 

Laverne (standing up)- I thought so. 

Lenny (puts Jeffrey back on the coffee table)- Ya know, I think your pop is still not too thrilled with me. 

Laverne- Why? 

Lenny- Well, yesterday, I didn't just bus tables... I did everything. 

Laverne- Everything? 

Lenny- Everything! From janitor to cook! He had me doin' so much stuff I could barely keep track of what I was doin' when I was doin' it! 

Laverne- Nah, I think he likes ya. If he didn't, he'd do to you what he does to Squiggy. 

Lenny- What's that? 

Laverne- Make ya eat the food. 

Lenny- That was the only thing I didn't do. I knew there had to be som'em! 

  


THE END :)~ 

  



	4. Ep #182 - Deja Vu

Episode #182 - Dejá Vu **Episode #182 - Dejá Vu **

**ONE**   
Kosnowski apartment, morning 

Laverne is sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. 

Laverne (to herself)- Ain't there any good news in here? (she flips a few pages noisily) 

Lenny (coming down the stairs)- Paper's here! 

Laverne- Ha ha ha. (puts the newspaper down) I swear these reporters wouldn't know good news if it bit 'em on the... 

Lenny- Aren't you in a good mood? (rolls his eyes) Maybe I should come back down here again. 

Laverne- Com'on sit, it ain't you. 

Lenny (sits at the table)- What's up? 

Laverne- It's this whole city! Two years ago, I was protesting against a dump, then three months after, it showed up anyway. 

Lenny- Well, a dump ain't exactly supposed to be nice. 

Laverne- I called Milwaukee yesterday... 

Lenny (thumps his head on the table)- Not again... 

Laverne- Yes, again! Anyway, I managed to get a hold of someone in our old building. The apartment Shirl and me had is vacant. 

Lenny (looks at her)- Are you tryin' to say ya wanna go back to Milwaukee? 

Laverne- Well, I'd been thinkin' about this for a while... a long while. Actually, ever since Shirl left two years ago. 

Lenny- I wouldn't mind, but what about your pop and Edna and Shirley and Carmine? 

Laverne- I also found out that Carmine's old apartment is vacant. 

Lenny- I guess that takes care of them. (quieter) Don't tell me you also found out that mine andSquig's is vacant, too. 

Laverne- I didn't ask. 

Lenny- Oh, good. 

Laverne- I know it is... Who'd want it after what you two did to it. I thought painting the rug was funny, but the dirt in the bathtub was too much. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello! 

Laverne- See what I mean. (to Squiggy) Whadya want? 

Squiggy- Nutin' really. I was sorta gettin' bored acrossthe hall all by myself. (he goes over to the table and picks up the newspaper) I wonder if they got 'ny bad news in here. (he starts flipping pages) 

Lenny- Hey, Squig, do ya mind? We were talkin' here. 

Squiggy- You're still talkin'. 

Lenny- Get out, Squig. 

Squiggy- Fine... but I'm takin' the paper with me. (he leaves) 

Laverne- Let's start packing! 

  
**TWO**   
evening 

Amazingly, the apartment is already nearly packed up. 

Lenny comes down the stiars, carrying a box and puts it on the floor. 

The door opens. Laverne comes in. 

Lenny- Well? 

Laverne- Well, I told Shirl and Carmine we're movin'. 

Lenny- And? 

Laverne- Shirl started smackin' me over the head. I don't think she took it well. 

Lenny- I guess they're not movin' then. 

Laverne- Well,after Carmine was finally able to pry Shirl offa me, they started talkin' about it. I guess they might, but I left before they decided. 

Lenny- How'd your pop and Edna take it? 

Laverne- Pop started ranting in Italian... 

Lenny- That figures. 

Laverne- I think Edna semed okay with it. I dunno why I told them. I mean, I've always been near my pop. Oh, sure, I've lived with Shirl, then on my own, now with you and yet he still wants to run m life. (looks around) Where's Tommy? 

Lenn- Uh... (nervous laugh) I sorta let Squig watch 'm. 

Laverne- You didn't... 

Lenny- I couldn't find anyone else that quick. You said to pack up as fast as I could. I'd've only been half done if I didn't have Squig watch 'im. 

Laverne- Now that you're done and I'm back, let's go get 'im 

They go out the door and across the hall 

Laverne (knocking)- Squig, open up! 

There's not answer. Laverne tries the knob. She opens the door. 

Squiggy (to Tommy)- There was a young girl from Nantucket... 

Laverne & Lenny- Squig! 

Squiggy (turns)- Ah! Don't ya know howta knock? 

Laverne- I did! Please tell me that wasn't what I thought I heard. 

Squiggy- Huh? 

Lenny- You haven't been saying any of that junk to Tommy, have ya? 

Squiggy- Nah. We was watchin' Godzilla movies for mosta the afternoon. 

Laverne- Thanks alot, Squig! Now Tommy's gonna have nightmares! He prob'ly won't sleep tonight. 

Lenny- Yeah, I prob'l won't either. 

Squiggy grins. 

Lenny (smacks him in the back of his head)- Not that! 

Laverne goes over, gets Tommy and his stroller, and leaves. 

Squiggy puts his hand out to be paid. 

Lenny- I didn't say I was gonna pay ya. 

Squiggy- Oh, com'on! I watched the kid for ya! 

Lenny- Yeah, and what a great job ya did! (he scoffs, then leaves) 

  
**THREE**   
next morning, outside 

Laverne and Shirely are sitting on the steps, playing with Tommy, while Lenny and Carmine put all the boxes in the moving truck. 

Laverne- So, did you and Carmine decide on moving or not yet? 

Shirley- We did decide. We're not gonna move yet. I mean, we just got a house a few months ago and going back and movig into the old apartment building seems like a step back... from a house to an apartment. 

Laverne- Oh. Well, I was just wonderin'. 

The guys come over to the steps. 

Lenny- Everything's all set. 

Laverne and Shirley stand. 

Laverne (puts Tommy in his stroller; turns to Shirley)- I guess this is it. 

Shirley- I guess so. Atleast we actually get to say goodbye this time. 

Laverne- Yeah. 

Both girls start to tear up and hug. They separate, still teary-eyed. 

Carmine (puts his arm around Shirley's shoulders)- I'll letcha call everyday. 

Shirley (quietly)- Thanks. 

Laverne (sniffling)- We gotta go... (looks at Lenny) before he tears up, too. 

They all get a little chuckle out of that. The moving truck pulls away. Laverne pushes Tommy's stroller over to the car and puts him in his car seat, then folds up the stroller. Lenny puts a couple of suitcases in the trunk and a couple of duffle bags in the back seat. They get in and, after a minute of situating, the car pulls away. 

Shirley and Carmine wave goodbye. 

  
**FOUR**   
Ragusa house, afternoon 

Shirley is sitting on the couch. Carmine goes over and sits next to her. 

Carmine- AngelFace, ya gotta be happy. All you've been doing is moping around. Now, you're sitting here, hugging a pillow, and watching a TV that isn't even on! Ya gotta cheer up... please? 

Shirley- I felt this exact same way when I left. It'll pass... just let me wallow for a little while, okay? 

Carmine- Okay, but not too long a while. 

There's a knock at the door. 

Carmine- I'll get it. (he gets up, goes over to the door, and opens it) Hi, Squig. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello. 

Shirley- You knocked? 

Squiggy- The door was locked. (to Carmine) They left already!? 

Carmine- Yeah, this morning. Didn't they say goodbye? 

Squiggy- No, I found a note under my door from Len sayin' they were leavin'. That's it, see. (he pulls out the note and hands it to Carmine) 

Carmine (reading)- Vernie and me are going back to Milwaukee. See ya. (he flips the paper over) That's it? 

Squiggy- Yup. (he snatches the paper from Carmine) 

Carmine- I know this really is none of my business... 

Squiggy- Yeah. 

Carmine- ...But what happened between you two? Two years ago you were best of friends, now you're almost as though ya don't know each other. 

Squiggy- Ya answered your own question! We knew each other two years ago. Now, I' still the same... 

Shirley- We know that, Squig. 

Carmine- So, all this is about Lenny? 

Squiggy- Exactly! 

Shirley- Squig, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you'd understand if you changed, too? I mean, I think it's obvious that Lenny did something that you haven't... 

Squiggy starts to grin. 

Shirley (sees the grin)- I mean, he matured. When are you gonna do that, Squig? (she gets up and goes into the itchen) 

Squiggy- I don't believe this! Lenny changed and it's my fault! 

Carmine- Yeah, because you never accepted it. (he goes into the kitchen) 

Squiggy (going over to the door)- I s'pose it's also my fault that the seasons change. (he leaves) 

  
**FIVE**   
some hotel out in the middle of nowhere, late evening 

Laverne- Why would anyone put a hotel in the middle of nowhere? There's nothing around here for miles! 

There's a spit heard from the bathroom. 

Lenny (coming out the bathroom)- I dunno... 

Laverne- We're so far out in the boonies, they don't even have TV's for the rooms! 

Lenny (plops on the bed)- Yeah... 

Laverne- What's up your nose? C'mon, (she gives him a playful smack on the arm) tell me. 

Lenny- It's Squig... 

Laverne- Great! The only good thing about this place was it was romantic, then ya hadta mention him! Oh, brother... 

Lenny- You asked. I didn't even actually say goodbye. I guess I was still mad at 'im this mornin'. 

Laverne- You didn't tell him we were leavin'? That's why he wasn't out there this mornin'. 

Lenny- I left a short note under his door. I'm really startin' to feel guilty about it now. I mean, I can't help it if he's still the same Squiggy who pushed me out the window a few years ago. 

Laverne- Yeah, I could see that happenin' again... 

Lenn (looks at her)- Vernie. 

Laverne- Sorry. Hey, it's still early enough, why don't ya call 'im? 

Lenny- I dunno... 

Laverne (leans over and kisses him)- For me. 

Lenny- Okay. (he gets up and goes out to the pay phone) 

  
**SIX**   
Squiggy's apartment 

Squiggy is watching _Heckle & Jeckle_ (and laughing his head off). 

The phone rings. 

Squiggy (annoyed)- Oh...! (he gets up, goes over to the phone, and picks up the receiver) hello? (listens) Oh, whada you want? (listens) Apologize? Ha!... (listens) Wha-? (listens) Why? (listens) In the freezer? (listens) Naw, I prob'ly wouldn't've. I never use the freezer. (listens) Okay. (listens) I'm sorry, too, Len. (listens) Thanks. (listens) Bye. (he hangs up the receiver, goes over to the fridge opens the freezer door, reaches in, pulls out a very frozen sock, and pulls $150 out of it; to himself) Thanks, pal. 

  
**SEVEN**   
hotel in the middle of nowhere 

Lenny comes back in the room. 

Laverne- Well? 

Lenny (sits next to her)- I told 'im about the 150 bucks I hid in the freezer. 

Laverne (gives him an odd look)- 'Scuse me? 

Lenny- I had 150 bucks and I fugured if I put t in the freezer, he wouldn't find it since he suckered me out of 100 before. he never looks in the freezer anymore and when I went out there to call 'im, I remembered that I forgot to get it, so I let 'im have it. 

Laverne- That explains the money in the freezer, but what about you two? 

Lenny- He didn't hang up on me to go back to _Heckle & Jeckle_... He did that the last time I tried to call 'im. 

Laverne (smiles)- That takes care of one problem. 

Lenny- There's another? 

Laverne- Yeah. How do we (whispers in his ear) with Tommy in the room? 

  


THE END :)~ 

  



	5. Ep #183 - Memory Lane

**Episode #183 - Memory Lane **

**ONE**   
Burbank, Ragusa house, night 

Carmine (comes through the bedroom doorway)- Oh, not again. (he picks up BooBooKitty) This cat's gonna hafta learn howta swim if you don't cryin' into him. 

Shirley (gets up off the bed and takes BooBooKitty)- He's my cat... I can cry into him if I wanna. 

Carmine- AngelFace, it's been a week since they left. 

Shirley- You don't think I know that!? I don't know, maybe we should've gone, too... 

Carmine- There ain't all that much to go back to in Milwaukee, except a few friends. 

Shirley- I'm sorry, Carmine. It's just wishful thinking. (she sits on the end of the bed) 

Carmine (sits next to her)- Someday we will. 

  
**TWO**   
Milwaukee, Knapp Street, apartment A, next day, early afternoon 

Laverne is sitting on the couch, watching a TV that isn't there. 

Lenny (comes in)- I'm gonna getcha a TV, then you'll have som'en to watch insteada the wall. 

Laverne keeps staring. 

Lenny (goes over to the end of the couch)- Vernie? (nothing; he sits next to her; waving his hand in front of her face) Yoo-hoo? Anyone home? 

Laverne (comes out of her trance)- Wha-? (sees Lenny) When did you get here? 

Lenny- A minute ago. Why were ya starin' at the wall? 

Laverne- I dunno. I was so happy to be comin' back here... We got here and now I'm just depressed. I miss Shirl. 

Lenny- You knew ya would before we left. 

Laverne- Yeah, but I thought Shirl and Carmine would be just a day behind us or som'en. It's been a week. I don't think they're gonna come. 

Lenny (shakes his head sympathetically)- We gotta get a phone. 

Laverne (glares at him)- I don't need a phone, I need my best friend! I need Shirl! Half a country is too big a distance! 

Lenny- No kidding! I drove the whole way! I'm just glad we didn't see that stinkin' motel we ended up at when we first went out to california. 

Laverne (starts laughing and sniffling)- Why'd ya hafta bring that up? (pause) I still can't figure out how Shirl could tell that story. The only thing true about it was her beatin' up on Squiggy. 

Lenny- I'm still tryin' to figure out how ya got that plunger on my head. 

Laverne (starts laughing hysterically)- It wasn't easy! (she calms down slightly) You guys really overdid what we were wearin', though. 

Lenny- A little imagination... alot of wishful thinkin'. (starts laughing) It was so funny when that guy found us at Cowboy Bill's and said he was lookin' for "Lenny and Laverne Kosnowski and Andrew and Shirley Squiggmann"! Then Shirley went and spoiled it. 

Laverne- It'a a good thing! Shirl told me pop didn't take that well. Then again, he also didn't take the news of us gettin' married all that well either. My pop doesn't like anything, except me and Edna, and even Edna had left for a while, there. 

Lenny- How do ya think he woulda reacted to findin' out that that part Squig said about you pickin' me up was true? 

Laverne (starts laughing again)- "He's mine!" (pauses for laughter) Not well, that's for sure! 

There's a knock at the door. 

Lenny- I'll get it. (he gets up, goes over to the door, and opens it) Yeah? 

Man- Telegram for Laverne Kosnowski. 

Laverne- A telegram for me?... 

Lenny (fishes for some change in his pocket; pulls out 50 cents)- Here ya go. 

Man- Gee, thanks. (he gives Lenny the telegram and leaves) 

Lenny closes the door. 

Laverne- You read it. Telegrams give me the creeps. 

Lenny- So ya want me to get the creeps? (smiles at her; she makes a face) Just kiddin'. 

Laverne- Read the thing, huh? 

Lenny- Okay, okay. (he starts reading and his smile quickly fades) 

Laverne- Som'en's wrong. (she stands up) Shirl and Carmine? (nothing) Squig? (nothing) Pop and Edna? 

Lenny hands her the telegram. 

Laerne reads the telegram, then crumples it and tosses it in the trash can. She goes over and sits on the couch again then starts crying uncontrollably. 

Lenny goes over, sits next to her, and put his arm around her. 

Laverne (through tears)- We never shoulda left! 

Lenny- Ya wanna go back for a coupla days? 

Laverne (sniffling)- Yeah... (pause) Why did pop hafta die? 

  
{Author's note: I'M SORRY for the dramam, but if the series had actually gone on for another season or 2, there woulda been one of these. It'll get happier, don't worry... besides I wanted to try a little drama.} 

  
**THREE**   
Burbank, Ragusa house, evening 

Shirley- I wish I coulda called Laverne! A telegram is so impersonal! 

Carmine- It was the only way we could get word to her quickly. 

The phone rings. 

Carmine- I'll get it. (he goes over to the phone and picks up the receiver) Hello? (listens; to Shirley) It's Lenny. 

Shirley- They got the telegram? 

Carmine (listens)- Yeah. (listens) Sure, you can stay here a coupla days, no problem. (lsitens) Okay, bye. (he hangs up the receiver) 

Shirley- Poor Laverne. 

Carmine- Pretty obvious how she took it. 

Shirley- And Lenny? 

Carmine- Shirl, he was never that emotionally stable to begin with. I could tell he was sniffling. 

Shirley- We should go get the guest room ready. 

Carmine- Yeah. Boy, this is awful. 

There's a knock at the door. 

Shirley- You got the phone, I'll get the door. (she goes over to the door and opens it) 

Squiggy- Hello. 

Shirley- Hi. 

Squiggy- Whassa matter? 

Shirley- You didn't hear? 

Squiggy- Hear what? 

Shirley- Laverne's father died. 

Squiggy- Naw... yeah? 

Shirley- Yeah. I sent Laverne a telegram and Lenny just called. They're comin' back for a few days. 

Squiggy- That's just rotten, ya know. Boy, I'm gonna miss 'im yellin' at me. I remember when he let me call 'im "Jay". Yw know he told me I was the son he never wanted?! 

Shirley- That's... very nice... and touching. We've gotta get the guest room ready before they get here... 

Squiggy- Can I help? 

Shirley- I guess so, sure. 

They go into the guest room to find Carmine standing in the midst of a huge mess. 

Carmine- This could take a while. 

Shirley- Well, we've got some help. 

Squiggy- It's the most I could do. 

  
**FOUR**   
2 days later, Ragusa house, morning 

Laverne and Lenny came the night before. 

Shirley is playing with Tommy, while Laverne watches. 

Shirley- He's gotten big already, lookit him! 

Laverne- Yeah. 

Shirley- Vernie, you've gotta snap out of this slump. It's okay to be sad, but being a lump is pathetic. I mean, I'll admit I was not happy this past week while you were in Milwaukee and I won't be happ when ya go back, but I'll get over it and you'll have to get over this... please? 

Laverne- Shirl, ya don't understand. Ya know why I'm actin' like this? Because I feel responsible for my popo not being around anymore. I feel like if I hadn't left... 

Shirley- Then maybe he wouldn't have died. Laverne, remember when you refused to visit your mother's grave? You said that if you'd been a better person she wouldn't have died. you're doing the same thing all over again. 

Laverne (has a look of thoughtfulness)- I didn't realize that. Neither of those things hadta do with me. Awe, Shirl, you're the best! (she hugs Shirley) 

Carmine (coming in the room)- Look like things have goten a little happier. (he goes over and sits next to Shirley) 

Laverne- Where's Len? 

Carmine- Well, see, we were sorta listenin' and what Shirley said sorta got to him... he's lookin' at that picture of his mom tryin' to put his head through the bars of the playpen. 

Laerne- I remember that picture. I meant to get that away from him. Atleast this time I won't get phony flowers shot at me. 

Shirley & Carmine- Huh? 

Laverne- Remember, Squiggy had that magic act he was tryin' to get to work and that was one of his props. When Len came to talk to me, he brought that phony gun that shot the phony flowers. he nearly scared me half to death with that thing. 

Lenny (coming in the room)- I nearly scared ya with what? 

Laverne- That gun that shot flowers from Squiggy's magic act. 

Lenny- I remember that. You ended up puttin' the whole thing in a vase with water. (he goes over and sits next to her) 

Laverne- Yeah, I realized how silly that was, but I put it in the vase anyway. I wonder what happened to that thing. 

Lenny (reaches in his jacket pocket and pulls something out)- This thing? (he clicks the trigger and the flowers pop out) 

Laverne- You sneak! Ya knew what I was talkin' about the whole time! 

Lenny- Yeah... I thought ya could use a little cheerin' up. 

Laverne (takes the gun and flowers)- Thanks!... All of you, thanks! 

  


THE END :)~ 

  



	6. Ep #184 - Home Sweet Home

**Episode #184 - Home Sweet Home **

**ONE**   
Burbank, Ragusa house, afternoon 

Shirely is sitting on the couch, watching TV. 

Carmine (coming in)- Hi, AngelFace! 

Shirley- Hi, Carmine! 

Carmine- Is it just me or are you actually cheerful? 

Shirley- Cheerful. 

Carmine (sits next to her)- Why? 

Shirley- Guess! 

Carmine- Awe, Shirl, I don't wanna guess. It'll be you jokin' that we're goin' back to Milwaukee or som'en. 

Shirley- What if it wasn't a joke? 

Carmine- Huh? Whadya mean? 

Shirley- Laverne called and said that edna had gone back and bought our old building back and if we go to Milwaukee we'll get an apartment for a low rent! 

Carmine- Discount rent, I like it. The only thing is, we'll hafta sell our house here to get atleast some of our money back. 

Shirley- I called the newspaper and told them to start running a "For Sale" ad in tomorrow's paper. 

Carmine- Well, let's start packin', then! 

  
**TWO**   
Milwaukee, Kosnowski apartment, next day, afternoon 

Laverne and Edna are sitting on the couch. 

Laverne- This is so wonderful what you'redoin' for Shirl and Carmine! 

Lenny comes in. 

Edna- Well, I figured since we all left here to go to Burbank, that we'd all like to come back. 

Lenny- Yeah, even Squig. 

Laverne- Whadya mean? 

Lenny- He's already in our old apartment. 

Edna- I had to let him have it... no one else would ever take that apartment! 

Laverne- Yeah, I can understand that. 

Lenny- So, what about Shirley and Carmine? 

Laverne- Shirl seemed to be nearly bouncing off the walls when I called her yesterday. I think they're comin'. 

Edna- Well, then I'd better go and make sure Carmine's old apartment is ready. (she gets up) I'll see you later. (she leaves) 

Laverne- Well, I was lookin' in the newspaper before Edna came to find a job... nothin'. how'd you do? 

Lenny (plops next to her)- We're zero in two. 

Laverne- There's gotta be som'en, Edna can hold off the rent for only so long. 

Lenny- Yeah, and we can only go so long without eatin'. 

Laverne- That, too, and Tommy's gonna be needin' some new clothes. 

Lenny- Already? 

Laverne- He's outgrown half his wardrobe. (pause) I refuse to go back to Shotz! He'll try to makeme truck washer... again! 

Lenny- how 'bout the Pizza Bowl? 

Laverne glares at him. 

Lenny- I know, I know... but it's som'en. 

Laverne- True. Maybe we could wait atleast till Sirl and Carmine come, then we can all look together. 

Lenny- We could call ourselves the Unemployed Gang. (he smiles at her) 

Laverne- Not funny, Len. 

Lenny (smile fades)- Sorry. 

The door flies open. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello! (he pulls out a wad of money and fans himself with it) What ta do wit' all this money. 

Laverne (surprised)- Money? What money? 

{What hat?!... Never mind} 

Squiggy- Only this money. (he goes over to them and waves it around) 

Lenny- Where'd ya get all that? 

Squiggy- Shotz made me head truck driver. I'm gettin' paid like a exec-a-tive. 

Lenny (to Laverne)- Still refuse to go ta Shotz? 

Laverne (mesmorized by Squiggy's wad of money)- Uhh... well... I dunno... 

Squiggy- Well, I'll be leavin' now to go spend this on things that're totally useless. (he leaves) 

Lenny- Himself? 

Laverne (still not quite all there)- All that money...? 

Lenny (waves his hand in front of her face)- Snap outta it. 

Laverne- I don't like it... but I guess we could try Shotz and see what he has ta offer. 

  
**THREE**   
next day 

A cab pulls up outside of the apartment building. The door opens. 

Carmine (getting out)- We shoulda rented a U-Haul! 

Shirley (getting out)- Okay, Carmine, I heard you the first fifty times you said that! 

Carmine- Next time we move, we're gettin' a U-Haul! 

Shirley- How about we don't move again? 

Carmine- Or that. 

Shirley- Com'on, lets grab our bags and go in 

They grab their bags and take them up to their apartment, drop them off, then go back downstairs to the Kosnowski apartment. 

Shirley (knocks)- Anybody home? 

O.S. Laverne- Comin'! 

The door opens. 

Laverne- Hiya, Shirl! 

Shirley- Hiya, Vernie! 

Carmine- Haven't you two gotten tired of reuniting yet? 

Shirley grabs his arm and pulls him into the apartment. 

Shirley- Found any jobs yet? 

Laverne- Well, believe it or not, but Squiggy did. He went back to Shotz and got a whole load of money. Seeing that wad, we decided to go and see if there were any openings. To make a long story short... 

Carmine- Too late. 

Laverne- Shotz remembered us and apparently not Squig because we got turned away. 

Shirley- That's not right at all. Is there anywhere else that has openings? 

Laverne- Well, Len mentioned the Pizza Bowl, but I just don't think I could handle that, atleast not right away. 

Carmine- Where is Lenny, anyway? 

Laverne- Bronko's Garage. 

Shirley- Huh? 

Carmine- Bronko's... that was Fonzie's garage. 

Laverne- Still is. I called Fonz to ask if he knew of any job openings and he's still lookin' for one for me, but he had an opening for Len. One outta two ain't bad. 

Carmine- I wonder if Fonz knows who owns the dance studio now? 

Laverne- That's it! The three of us could get jobs there! 

Shirley- Great! 

Carmine- Let's go see if Fonz can help. 

Laverne- Of course he can help, he's The Fonz, ain't he? 

They leave. 

  
**FOUR**   
Bronko's Garage 

Fonzie is shining his motorcycle. Lenny comes out of the office. 

Lenny- Slow day? 

Fonzie- Potsie finall took m advice and stopped driving... and Potsie not driving lowers the accident rate. 

Lenny- It might go up cuz Shotz made Squiggy head truck driver. 

Fonzie (hits the handlebars, then goes back to his natural cool)- Don't say that name. 

Lenny- Sorry, Fonz. 

Laverne, Shirley, and Carmine come in. 

Laverne- Hey, Len! (he smiles) Hiya, Fonz! 

Fonzie- Laverne, what can The Fonz do for ya? 

Laverne- We were wonderin' about Majorie Ward's Dance Studio? 

Fonzie- It just so happens the studio is for sale and The Fonz would be proud to be a silent partner in helping you three get it. 

Carmine- Thanks Fonz! 

Shirley- Thank you, Fonzie! 

Laverne- Lets go get the place! 

They leave. 

Lenny- Why'd you say you'd be a silent partner? 

Fonzie- I know how much that dance studio is goin' for and I couldn't pay you enough in advance, so I figured silent partner, that way I'll have more time to pay. (pause) I don't hear any sirens yet, so I think it'll be safe to close up early. Besides, if I can get your kid to gimme a thumbs-up, I'll pay ya an hour overtime. 

Lenny- Let's hope we can get him from Edna first! 

  
**FIVE**   
early night, Kosnowski apartment 

Laverne and Lenny are sitting on the couch. 

Lenny- I guess our job search is over. 

Laverne- Thank goodness! (pause) boy, that sure was nice of Fonz to watch tomy for a few hours. I was gonna go help Shirl and Carmine start fixin' up the dance studio, but I think they'll do okay. 

Lenny- But if it's just the two of them... 

Laverne- They'll be chasing each other all over the place and end in a tackle! 

Lenny- That don't sound like a bad idea... 

Laverne jumps up and runs towards and into the bedroom with Lenny right behind her. 

{Btw, there was alotta chasing and tackling goin' on at the dance studio, too!} 

  


THE END :)~ 

  



	7. Ep #185 - All In A Day's Work

**Episode #185 - All In A Day's Work**

**ONE**   
Bronko's Garage, afternoon 

Fonzie is looking over the next day's schedule. Lenny comes in. 

Lenny- Fonz? Remember when you said that Potsie finally listened to you about not driving? 

Fonzie- Yeah... what'd he do? 

Lenny- Well, see, Squig was s'posed to be goin' back to Shotz after he dropped off his delivery... 

Fonzie- Lenny, the suspense is killin' The Fonz, lemme guess, they collided into each other? 

Lenny- You heard this already? 

Fonzie- Lucky guess. (looks at the next day's schedule again; picks up a pencil and starts erasing) Looks like I'll only have five dates on Saturday. 

Lenny- Five girls? Wow! 

Fonzie- Five dates... I promised this chick named Shortcake I'd take her up to Inspiration Point. We were planning on closing it all day to the public... now it'll just be closed through the evening. (pause) You drive, right? 

Lenny- Yeah, I've had bad luck with bikes. 

Fonzie- Yeah, whatever. Listen, why don't you try and talk to Potsie and (cringes) Squiggy and tell them to be more careful... or else, okay? 

Lenny- Okay... Does that mean I get ta leave early? 

Fonzie- It's ten minutes till quittin' time... go, just come earlier tomorrow and maybe we'll fix the wrecks before the day's over. 

Lenny- Thanks, Fonz! (leaves) 

Fonzie- Potsie and (cringes) Squiggy crash into each other and my only help to fix the wrecks is a cross between the two. (gets up and goes into the office 

  
**TWO**   
Kosnowski apartment 

The door flies open. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Ya gotta hide me! 

Laverne- Why? 

Squiggy- I just wrecked one-a Shotz's trucks... 

Laverne- He'l demote ya for that. 

Squiggy- ...An' it got towed to Bronko's. 

Laverne- Fonz is gonna getcha for that! Did ya hit someone? 

Squiggy- Uh... maybe. 

Laverne- Maybe...? 

The door opens. 

Lenny comes in with Potsie talking a mile a minute. 

Potsie- You've gotta tell me where he is! (sees Squiggy) You! 

Squiggy- Bye! (he runs out the door) 

Potsie- Come back here! (runs out after him) 

Laverne- We shoulda seen this comin'. After all, Squig did crash two vehicles and squashed BooBooKitty before he left the living room. 

Lenny- Yeah, because-a those two, me and Fonz gotta work on both wrecks tomorrow. 

Laverne- There go the movies. 

Lenny- You can still go with Shirley and Carmine. 

Laverne- Are you listening to yourself? If I go alone with them, they'll be doing Lord-knows-what the whole time and I'll actually hafta watch the movie. 

Lenny- How 'bout you get Edna to watch Tommy and come down to Bronko's with me? 

Laverne- Yeah, okay, I'll do that! 

Lenny- Now, what were you sayin' about doin' Lord-knows-what? 

  
**THREE**   
next morning, Bronko's Garage 

Laverne and Lenny come in. They go over and look at the two wrecks. 

Laverne- Are you sure Fonz said these'd take only one extra day? 

Lenny- Well, I only saw him erase one day's schedule... there's gonna be alotta unhappy people because-a Squig and Potsie. 

Fonzie (coming out of the ffice)- There are those names again. 

Lenny- Sorry, Fonz. 

Laverne- Hiya, Fonz. 

Fonzie- Laverne!... Where's the kid? 

Laverne- I asked Edna to watch him... I knew you'd end up wanting to play with him, so I figured this way you'd get more work done. 

Fonzie- Sounds like The Fonz will have to stop by more often... I'll get you one of those hotel "Do Not Disturb" signs. 

Lenny- What for? 

Laverne smacks him in the back of the head. 

Lenny (realizes)- Oh! 

  
**FOUR**   
later that day 

Fonzie comes in from his lunhbreak (part one of his date with Shortcake) and finds Laverne and Lenny making out. Fonzie goes over and leans against the closer wreck, waiting for one of them to see him. They don't, so he starts looking around and whistling. Still, they don't notice him. Finally, Fonzie crosses his arms. 

Fonzie (looking right at them; loud, but with his usual cool)- Ahem! 

Lenny- Sorry, Fonz. 

Fonzie- It's nice to know that the art of using one's lunch break to spend time with a chick is still alive and well. 

Laverne- Of course, Fonz. The only people who actually eat during their lunch break either hate who they're working with or they're just ignorant. 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello! 

Fonzie looks at Laverne. 

Laverne- Sorry 'bout that. (pause) Whadya want, Squig? 

Squiggy- Shotz wants to know if his truck's ready yet. 

Lenny- It ain't ready yet, Squig. 

Squiggy- Can'tcha work a little faster!? Shotz is dockin' me by the hour. 

Lenny- Ya want this done right or ya want it done fast? 

Squiggy- What about both? 

Fonzie- Enough. The Fonz will call Shotz and let him know when his truck is ready. Now, will you leave? You're cramping The Fonz style. 

Squiggy- Fine, I'll leave, I don't have any style anyways. (leaves) 

Fonzie- Whenever he is around, I can just feel my cool disappearing. 

Laverne- Yeah, he has that affect on people. 

  
**FIVE**   
Arnold's, later that evening 

Two girls walk in. 

Girl 1- Wow, this place looks even better than ya said. (scans the people in the booths) Some cute guys, too! 

Girl 2- See, I told ya there was nothin' to worry about. (scans room) I don't see Fonzie, though. He must still be at work. 

Girl 1- Hey, is that Laverne over there? (points) 

Girl 2- Yeah, it is! Let's go say hi. 

The girls go over to where Laverne is sitting. 

Girl 1- Hiya, Laverne! 

Laverne (looks at them)- Lauren? Joanie? Geez, it's been a long time! 

Lauren {Girl 1}- Very long. 

Joanie {Girl 2}- What're ya doin' on this side of that tracks? 

Laverne- I'm waiting for Lenny and Fonz to fix a coupla wrecks. 

Joanie- Wait, Fonz told me that our date was shortened because of those wrecks. So, you're waitin' for Lenny. 

Laverne- Yup. 

Lauren- Pay up. (holds her hand out at Joanie) 

Joanie- Awe, nuts! (starts digging in a pocket for money) 

Laverne- What're ya doin'? 

Joanie- Before ya moved out to Burbank, well, Lauren and I sorta made a little bet. 

Lauren- And I won! 

Laverne- You two aren't makin' any sense. 

Lauren- You're right! I'm makin' dollars! 

Joanie- We bet on whether you and Lenny would get together or not. 

Laverne- Well, sorry about not inviting ya to the wedding. 

Lauren- Wedding?! (turns to Joanie) Pay up! 

Laverne- You bet on that, too?! I don't believe you! 

Lenny comes in and goes over to the booth. 

Laverne- Hi, Len, you guys finish up on those wrecks? 

Lenny- Finally. (notices Lauren and Joanie) Hi, girls. 

Lauren- Well, I guess we'll get goin' now that I got my money. 

Joanie- See ya later. 

They go over to an empty booth. 

Lenny- Did I miss som'en? 

Laverne- Not really. 

Fonzie comes in and goes over to the girls' booth. 

Fonzie- Shortcake! 

Joanie- Hiya, Fonz! 

Lauren- Ahem! 

Joanie- Fonz, this is Lauren. She didn't have a date so I let her come along. 

Fonzie- There's plenty of The Fonz to go around. 

The girls stand and Fonzie puts an arm around each of them and they leave. 

Laverne- Those two are just like me and Shirl were. 

Lenny- Shortcake? 

Laverne- Maybe she likes whip cream. 

  
**SIX**   
730 Knapp Street, outside the building 

Potsie- I spent my life savings on that car! 

Squiggy- So? It was a wreck already! I got demoted to truck washer for a month! 

Potsie- Atleast the roads will be safer with you not driving on them! 

Laverne and Lenny come around the street corner. 

Laverne- I don't believe they're still arguin'. 

Lenny- They never got along to start with. (pause) Walk by quietly, maybe they won't notice us. 

They start past them and up the stairs. 

Squiggy- Hey, Lenny! 

Laverne- We weren't invisible enough, I guess. 

Lenny- Yeah, you go in and I'll see what he wants. 

Laverne goes in the building and Lenny goes back down to the street. 

Lenny- Why're you guys still arguin'? Fonz and I were nice enough to fix them for free... and Fonz had to cut his dates short tonight. 

Potsie- I'm just trying to get an apology out of him. 

Squiggy- It ain't gonna happen. 

Lenny- He's right. I've known 'im practically all my life and he's only apologizd to me once and it was after he pushed me out a window... 

Squiggy- Not that again! 

Lenny- Even then I hadta talk 'im into it. 

Potsie- So, I'm wasting m time? 

Lenny- Pretty much, yeah. 

Potsie- It's a good thing my dad doesn't talk to me. I'd be in trouble for this! (turns and starts down the street) 

Squiggy- That was close! 

Lenny- It wouldn'ta killed ya to apologize, Squig. 

Squiggy- It ain't my style. 

Lenny- Yeah, but it was your fault. 

Squiggy- My fault? He's the one who was driving the wreck already! 

Lenny- An' those beer trucks aren't wrecks? 

Squiggy- Well... maybe they are, maybe they aren't. (pause) Why'd ya help me? 

Lenny- Ya called me back down here. 

Squiggy- I did? 

Lenny- Yeah, remember, you said 'Hey, Lenny'. 

Squiggy- But I only wanted to say 'Hi'. 

Lenny- Squig, you're givin' me a headache. 

Squiggy- Wait a minute... you ain't mad at me no more? 

Lenny- When was I mad at you? 

Squiggy The moment you showed up in Burbank. 

Lenny- No, you were mad at me cuz you thought I still owed twenty-five bucks on that bill, then you found out it was Rhonda who owed. 

Squiggy- Oh, yeah. 

Lenny- And you're jealous. 

Squiggy- Am not. 

Lenny- Are to! 

Squiggy- Am not! 

Lenny- Yeah, you are! 

Squiggy- Why? 

Lenny- Cuz... 

Squiggy- Cuz...? 

Lenny- Just cuz. 

Squiggy (makes a face)- That don't make any sense... (pause) Oh! _That_ cuz! (pause) Well, maybe a little. 

Lenny- What about Francine? Remember, she followed us out to Burbank and you thought they were twins separated at birth. 

Squiggy- They weren't? 

Lenny- No, the girl you were out with on Hoot Night was Frqancine! She prob'ly gave ya another name so ya wouldn't think she followed ya. 

Squiggy- Prob'ly... I think I'll go down and hang around outside the Tango Palace. That was the first time she said she liked moths. 

Lenny- Awe... 

Squiggy- Yeah, yeah. Hey, don't tell anyone, but, thanks. 

They shake hands to a "stupid!". 

  
THE END :)~ 

  



End file.
